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In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. May peace and blessings be upon our beloved Prophet Muhammad Rasulillahi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, His Family, His Companions and all those who follow him till the day of Yaumul Kiyamah. Ameen

This is a safe space for all the beautiful sisters out there. This is for more love, inner peace, joy, happiness, patience, health and bliss in our lives and blessed homes In sha Allah. Alhamdulillah for the mercy of Allah Subhanahu Wata’ala on us. 

In sha Allah we will be discussing Marriage as a TRANSITION and the requirements for safe transition. 

 

How do you transition into marriage safely? 

Self discovery, purpose, priorities, goals,

Love alone is not enough to sustain a marriage bond. Mercy and tranquility are the attributes that bind, allowing us to fall in love time and time again. Binta Bamalli 

Marriage like any other change in life is a transition. The question is: have you got the necessary life skills needed for the life changing transition called marriage? 

Find below, a few questions you may want to ask yourself before you take that life changing decision. This is about you, yes just you. Happy reading.

  1. Know and understand who you are: Have you ever asked yourself this question?  Who are you? How well do you know yourself? Girl, if you don’t have an answer or you’re still on the part to discovering who you are, then i tell you what? You’re not ready for this life changing transition. For God sake how  do expect someone else, i mean a total stranger whom you meet along the line, having been you for as long as you can remember, and are considering spending the rest of your life with him, to know and understand you if you don’t know and understand yourself? Common on! Master the true perception of yourself and live in your truth.            
  2. What does marriage mean to you: What does marriage mean to you? It is very important you know exactly what marriage means to you as an individual. Search within your inner self and be sure you find your meaning. That is your first step towards this life changing transition. Because the moment you adopt someone else’s meaning, then be sure you’re starting on the wrong note. Because marriage mean different things to different people. Do not start your journey of transition based on another sisters story about marriage. Find your own meaning, that way it will be easier for you to settle in, navigate and tailor your home to suit what you can handle.                                                 
  3. Why do you want to get married: Yes, as a young girl who has transformed into a lady/woman it is only natural to want to get married. It is part of being human in addition to being a woman. Don’t get married just because all your sisters and friends are getting married. And certainly not because of the pressure from parents and family? Be purposeful, be deliberate, be sure to have a drive. Because if you do not know why you’re getting married, then I think you don’t have a business being married.           
  4. What are your life priorities: There has always been you before the man and marriage. And there will still be you after the man and marriage. So what are your priorities in life as an individual? When you know and outline your priorities, it will help you in settling in and setting up your new life, in your new home. Knowing exactly what is more important to you than the other even before the beginning gives you an upper hand. What that means is that, you know exactly what you want, and that your husband to be and the institution called marriage are the ones to find a place to fit in to your existing priority. Not you struggling to find a place to fix yourself.                                                        
  5. What are you willing to sacrifice: You have to be willing and ready to make a sacrifice in order to build your new home. You already know what your priorities are, definitely there’re things you can’t sacrifice and there’re some other ones you maybe willing to. This is a decision you have to make ahead of time, so that it will not be an issue after marriage and when the time is right. Because if you do not factor this out now, you’ll be plunged into a state of confusion when circumstances that will warrant a sacrifice arise. Be pro active.                
  6. Identify and establish a support system: Ahead of time,you need to identify and establish a support system. A support system is a place where you go or fall back on when you’re confused or when things are not going well in your life after the transition. A place you go to when you need a buster or someone to talk to. It  is very important you identify, set up and understand this system. So that you don’t end up going to the wrong system or circle for support. Because if you make the mistake of engaging the wrong system, it will only compound your already existing worry instead of making it better.                                      
  7. What is your goal: And above all, what is your goal? Yes what do you hope to achieve by getting married. Have you ever asked yourself this question? Ok, now you’re married, everyone calling you Mrs……. and you’re blushing? Is that it? Common on, you should be aspiring for something much more than just the prefix Mrs. Have a goal, an ambition, set a target, be sure it will lead you to achieving that or those things you have always wanted, that will add value, that will make you proud to be addressed as Mrs. That will be the real achievement and not just being married. 

Written by: 

Binta Shehu Bamalli 

Marriage in Islam 

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect”(Quran 30:21).

“O Humans revere your Guardian Lord, Who created you from a single person created of like nature its mate, and from this scattered (like seeds) countless men and women. Reverence Allah through Whom you claim your mutual rights” (Quran 4:1).

The above verses of the Quran lay out the framework for the basis and objectives of marriage in Islam. In the ultimate Wisdom of Allah we are first told that both partners, man and woman, are created from the same source and that this should be paid attention to as it is one of His Signs.

The objective of marriage, according to the above Quranic verses, is to enable us to dwell in peace and tranquility. It is important for us to reflect on these words and their significance in the Islamic frame of reference.
In order to have peace certain conditions must be met. These prerequisites to peace are Justice, Fairness, Equity, Equality, and fulfillment of mutual rights. Therefore any injustice whether it is oppression, or persecution, cannot be tolerated if there is to be peace in Muslim homes.
Tranquility on the other hand is a state of being which is achieved when peace has been established. Tranquility is compromised when there is tension, stress and anger. It is a mistake to take tranquility to mean perpetual state of bliss, since one can never be immune to tragedies and catastrophes. In fact God tells us repeatedly in the Quran that a believer will be tried and tested. However, a state of tranquility empowers one to handle difficult moments with their spouses as obedient servants of God. God, in His infinite Mercy, also provides us with the tools by which we can achieve this state of peace and tranquility. 

The second principle on which Islamic familylife is based on is Rahma, meaning mercy. As mentioned in the above verse, God tells us that it is He that has placed mercy between the hearts of spouses. We are therefore inclined by our very nature to have mercy for each other. Mercy is manifested through compassion, forgiveness, care and humility.

It is obvious that these are all ingredients that make for a successful partnership. Marriage in Islam is above all, a partnership based on equality of partners and specification of roles. Lack of mercy in a marriage, or in a family, renders it in Islamic terms dysfunctional.
The basic difference is that love between man and woman in the Islamic context can only be realized and expressed in a legal marriage. In order to develop a healthy avenue for the expression of love between a man and woman, and to provide security so that such a loving relationship can flourish, it is necessary to give it the protection of Shariah (Islamic law).
Marital Love in Islam instil the following

Faith: The love Muslim spouses have for each other should be for the sake of Allah and to gain His pleasure. It is from Allah that we claim our mutual rights (Quran 4:1) and it is to Allah that we are accountable for our behavior as husbands and wives.


It sustains:
Love is not to consume but to sustain. Allah expresses His love for us by providing sustenance. To love in Islam is to sustain our loved one physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually, to the best of our ability. (Note : To sustain materially is the husband’s duty. However, if the wife wishes she can also contribute)
Accepts: To love someone is to accept them for who they are. It is selfishness to try and mould someone as we wish them to be. True love does not attempt to crush individuality or control personal differences, but is magnanimous and secure to accommodate differences.


Challenges
: Love challenges us to be all we can, it encourages us to tap into our talents and it takes pride in our achievements. To enable our loved one to realize their potential is the most rewarding experience.


Merciful:
Mercy compels us to love and love compels us to have mercy. In the Islamic context the two are synonymous. The attribute Allah chose to be the supreme for Himself is that He is the most Merciful. This attribute of Rahman (the Merciful) is mentioned 170 times in the Quran, emphasizing the significance for believers to be merciful. Mercy, in practical application, means to have and show compassion and to be charitable.
Forgiving: Love is never too proud to seek forgiveness or too stingy to forgive. It is willing to let go of hurt and letdowns. Forgiveness allows us the opportunity to improve and correct ourselves. Islam emphasizes the principle that if we want God to forgive our mistakes, then we should be forgiving of others too.


Respect
: To love is to respect and value the person, their contributions, and their opinions. Respect does not allow us to take for granted our loved ones or to ignore their input. How we interact with our spouses reflects whether we respect them or not.


Confidentiality
: Trust is the most essential ingredient of love. When trust is betrayed and confidentiality compromised, love loses its soul.


Caring:
Love fosters a deep fondness that dictates caring and sharing in all that we do. The needs of our loved ones take precedence over our own.


Kindness
: The biography of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is rich with examples of acts of kindness he showed towards his family and particularly his wives. Even when his patience was tried, he was never unkind in word or deed. To love is to be kind.

Grows: Marital love is not static, for it grows and flourishes with each day of marital life. It requires work and commitment, and is nourished through faith when we are thankful and appreciative of Allah blessings.


Enhances:
Love enhances our image and beautifies our world. It provides emotional security and physical well being.


Selflessness:
Love gives unconditionally and protects dutifully.


Truthful
: Love is honesty without cruelty and loyalty without compromise.
Edited from article by:

Binta Shehu Bamalli