Love alone is not enough to sustain a marriage bond. Mercy and tranquility are the attributes that bind, allowing us to fall in love time and time again. Binta Bamalli
Marriage like any other change in life is a transition. The question is: have you got the necessary life skills needed for the life changing transition called marriage?
Find below, a few questions you may want to ask yourself before you take that life changing decision. This is about you, yes just you. Happy reading.
- Know and understand who you are: Have you ever asked yourself this question? Who are you? How well do you know yourself? Girl, if you don’t have an answer or you’re still on the part to discovering who you are, then i tell you what? You’re not ready for this life changing transition. For God sake how do expect someone else, i mean a total stranger whom you meet along the line, having been you for as long as you can remember, and are considering spending the rest of your life with him, to know and understand you if you don’t know and understand yourself? Common on! Master the true perception of yourself and live in your truth.
- What does marriage mean to you: What does marriage mean to you? It is very important you know exactly what marriage means to you as an individual. Search within your inner self and be sure you find your meaning. That is your first step towards this life changing transition. Because the moment you adopt someone else’s meaning, then be sure you’re starting on the wrong note. Because marriage mean different things to different people. Do not start your journey of transition based on another sisters story about marriage. Find your own meaning, that way it will be easier for you to settle in, navigate and tailor your home to suit what you can handle.
- Why do you want to get married: Yes, as a young girl who has transformed into a lady/woman it is only natural to want to get married. It is part of being human in addition to being a woman. Don’t get married just because all your sisters and friends are getting married. And certainly not because of the pressure from parents and family? Be purposeful, be deliberate, be sure to have a drive. Because if you do not know why you’re getting married, then I think you don’t have a business being married.
- What are your life priorities: There has always been you before the man and marriage. And there will still be you after the man and marriage. So what are your priorities in life as an individual? When you know and outline your priorities, it will help you in settling in and setting up your new life, in your new home. Knowing exactly what is more important to you than the other even before the beginning gives you an upper hand. What that means is that, you know exactly what you want, and that your husband to be and the institution called marriage are the ones to find a place to fit in to your existing priority. Not you struggling to find a place to fix yourself.
- What are you willing to sacrifice: You have to be willing and ready to make a sacrifice in order to build your new home. You already know what your priorities are, definitely there’re things you can’t sacrifice and there’re some other ones you maybe willing to. This is a decision you have to make ahead of time, so that it will not be an issue after marriage and when the time is right. Because if you do not factor this out now, you’ll be plunged into a state of confusion when circumstances that will warrant a sacrifice arise. Be pro active.
- Identify and establish a support system: Ahead of time,you need to identify and establish a support system. A support system is a place where you go or fall back on when you’re confused or when things are not going well in your life after the transition. A place you go to when you need a buster or someone to talk to. It is very important you identify, set up and understand this system. So that you don’t end up going to the wrong system or circle for support. Because if you make the mistake of engaging the wrong system, it will only compound your already existing worry instead of making it better.
- What is your goal: And above all, what is your goal? Yes what do you hope to achieve by getting married. Have you ever asked yourself this question? Ok, now you’re married, everyone calling you Mrs……. and you’re blushing? Is that it? Common on, you should be aspiring for something much more than just the prefix Mrs. Have a goal, an ambition, set a target, be sure it will lead you to achieving that or those things you have always wanted, that will add value, that will make you proud to be addressed as Mrs. That will be the real achievement and not just being married.
Binta Shehu Bamalli